The worst thing a mind can do is wonder. Wondering tears apart the once good moments and causes doubt. Questions flow through my mind. How long? The truth? Could I have changed anything? Did he regret it the moment he asked? What thoughts does he have? When he kissed me, did he mean it? What influenced him to end it? Was I too close? What happens now?
Avoidance speaks louder than any words he's ever said. But even these words are confusing and blurred.
I just wish he would fully explain. Just once. Let me hear ever honest, painful thought. I need the truth. Without it how can I move on?
Please.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wishing Crush
"I wish we could have worked it out. I wish i didn't have these doubts. I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now. I wish I didn't know inside that it won't work out for you and I. I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye."
One glance of you pulls me in.
I begin wishing for you.
Wondering and feeling my heart break.
When I'm not around you, though.
Those words aren't true.
I'm glad we aren't together.
I feel free, alive, and happy.
My mind and heart are free to roam.
One glance, traps me again.
I've found a way to push you out.
A simple song reminds me that I don't belong to you.
I don't owe you anything.
I don't love you anymore.
My heart belongs to someone else.
"Do you ever think, when you're all alone, all that we could be, where this things could go? Am I crazy or falling in love? Is this real or just another crush? Do you catch your breath, when I look at you? Are you holding back, like the way you do? Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away but I know this crush ain't going away."
One glance of you pulls me in.
I begin wishing for you.
Wondering and feeling my heart break.
When I'm not around you, though.
Those words aren't true.
I'm glad we aren't together.
I feel free, alive, and happy.
My mind and heart are free to roam.
One glance, traps me again.
I've found a way to push you out.
A simple song reminds me that I don't belong to you.
I don't owe you anything.
I don't love you anymore.
My heart belongs to someone else.
"Do you ever think, when you're all alone, all that we could be, where this things could go? Am I crazy or falling in love? Is this real or just another crush? Do you catch your breath, when I look at you? Are you holding back, like the way you do? Cause I'm trying, trying to walk away but I know this crush ain't going away."
Goodbye
Goodbye to your laughter.
Goodbye to your smile.
Goodbye to our special moments.
Goodbye to parks.
Goodbye to trees.
Goodbye to spending time together.
Goodbye to passion.
Goodbye to butterflies.
Goodbye to the 1st.
Goodbye to trumpets.
Goodbye to temples.
Goodbye to sharing.
Goodbye to hugs.
Goodbye to kisses.
Goodbye to comfort and safety.
Goodbye to hope.
Goodbye to trust.
Goodbye to a loving relationship.
Goodbye to us.
Goodbye to Mitchin.
Goodbye, Mitch.
Goodbye to your smile.
Goodbye to our special moments.
Goodbye to parks.
Goodbye to trees.
Goodbye to spending time together.
Goodbye to passion.
Goodbye to butterflies.
Goodbye to the 1st.
Goodbye to trumpets.
Goodbye to temples.
Goodbye to sharing.
Goodbye to hugs.
Goodbye to kisses.
Goodbye to comfort and safety.
Goodbye to hope.
Goodbye to trust.
Goodbye to a loving relationship.
Goodbye to us.
Goodbye to Mitchin.
Goodbye, Mitch.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
My Savior
I stumble and fall,
Gaining cuts and bruises.
I make mistakes,
Hurting others and myself.
Sometimes I disobey,
Only because I can.
There is one.
He came to this Earth,
Perfect and whole.
In a small garden,
He bled for me.
On a small hill,
He died for me.
From a small tomb,
He rose for me.
He is the one who fully understands me.
He wraps his arms around me,
And pulls me up when I've fallen.
His spilt blood covers my mistakes,
Lets me start anew.
His love forgives my rebelliousness,
And gives me another chance.
With His help, love, and guidance,
I can be perfect,
Even like him.
My Savior knows me,
Cares for me,
Saves me.
Only Friends
A chilly fall Sabbath,
Among a congregation,
Seven strangers sit with one familiar.
Four boys, come to sing praises.
Four girls, there to support.
A bystander would assume them all couples.
The Familiar and Red-head hold hands.
Patchy and Purple Flower cuddle close.
The Man and Spunky are close, touching.
But the Founder and the Manager are only friends.
Each of them in love with someone else.
An idea has been stirring in the Manager's mind and heart though.
Perhaps the Founder is what she's been looking for.
She feels as if she's falling in love.
But what about the Child and Davis?
If they were gone, she would admit it.
She would go for it.
But they are here.
And there's no point in wishing.
They will always stay friends.
Only friends.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Love
Love is....
Caring: I will be interested in your life.
Patient: I know other things are important too.
Understanding: I will see your views.
Accepting: You can always be whoever you want.
Listening: I will hear and accept your words.
Talking: I will tell you how I feel.
Honest: I will only tell you the truth.
Loving: I will care for the way you feel.
Laughter: We will laugh and have fun.
Trusting: I trust your words to be true and your actions to be honest.
Appreciative: I will always say thank you.
Equal: Our thoughts and wants with both be valued.
Time: I will take time to be with you.
Sacrificing: I'll give things up for the greater good.
Compromising: I'll give a little and take a little.
Expressive: I'll do things to let you know I care.
Magical: I'll wait for and make special moments with you.
Adventurous: We'll find ways to make life exciting.
Respecting: I'll respect you and your choices.
Kind: I'll be mindful of your feelings.
Giving: I will give unconditionally.
Sharing: What's mine, is yours.
Caring: I will be interested in your life.
Patient: I know other things are important too.
Understanding: I will see your views.
Accepting: You can always be whoever you want.
Listening: I will hear and accept your words.
Talking: I will tell you how I feel.
Honest: I will only tell you the truth.
Loving: I will care for the way you feel.
Laughter: We will laugh and have fun.
Trusting: I trust your words to be true and your actions to be honest.
Appreciative: I will always say thank you.
Equal: Our thoughts and wants with both be valued.
Time: I will take time to be with you.
Sacrificing: I'll give things up for the greater good.
Compromising: I'll give a little and take a little.
Expressive: I'll do things to let you know I care.
Magical: I'll wait for and make special moments with you.
Adventurous: We'll find ways to make life exciting.
Respecting: I'll respect you and your choices.
Kind: I'll be mindful of your feelings.
Giving: I will give unconditionally.
Sharing: What's mine, is yours.
I love you.
Silence
Laughter would ring around me.
Your simple voice, always complaining and joking.
Excitement weaved in and out of your voice.
Your face always smiling and joking.
The emotions played through your eyes.
You were always within sight.
All this, a ghostly past.
Only silence remains.
Not the contemplative, content silence I know.
This is hollow and empty.
Your face is not here to see.
Your voice doesn't fill my ears.
Silence.
There is silence as I wait for you.
Patiently, alone,
Silent.
Gentle Hero
A hero is the tallest,
Darkest, and strongest.
He's never afraid.
His rough hands save the world.
With a deep voice his loyalty is proclaimed,
Through intricate speeches.
One fierce battle saves the world.
He is never forgotten.
He is always loved.
My hero is not the tallest,
Nor the darkest, or strongest.
He's sometimes afraid.
His cold, gentle hands,
Don't save the world.
His fights are small with no great speeches.
Yet he still saves me,
With the little things he does.
A simple smile.
A gentle squeeze.
A warm hug.
When his voice calls my name,
I am reminded that he is there.
And I am safe.
I will never forget.
I will always love.
**I don't have the final version of this one, so words and phrases may vary a little from the original**
Darkness
The dark.
It comforts.
And suffocates.
I feel safe.
Yet drowned.
The light burns.
The dark swallows.
Little lights appear before me.
Bringing hope.
Then they are gone.
The darkness swallows me again.
A ray of hope pulls me from the hole.
Each time the darkness crushes hope,
it hurts worse.
It hides me from others.
Exposes me to myself.
The dark penetrates my heart.
Ripping, tearing, crushing it.
I feel pressed by it on each side.
But I am alone.
Alone in the dark.
Imperfect Perfection
Curly blonde hair
Framing a face
Full of laughter.
With piercing blue eyes
That twinkle with his soul.
A single dimple
Dents his simply soft cheek.
He's unbearably handsome,
But not spotless.
Yet the little imperfections
Make him more perfect
For me.
A strong pure soul
Hides behind his show.
Laughter and jokes
Masking his fear.
Feigning indifference
Covers his open, loving heart.
Pain is hidden
And so cleverly avoided.
Deep digging uncovers
Imperfections
Which make him perfect
For me.
The Tree
A tree. Tall, strong, immovable. Climbing the tree seems impossible. A branch so high, out of reach.
A girl. Small, and weak compared to the tree. One night, coldness penetrated her. The wrong shoes made slipping easy. But a determination burned in her. Pure will to climb the tree took over. No matter how many times it took, she would get it. And she did. She climbed the tree.
The same girl. Bad shoes, with cold penetrating her. A small determination. A few tries. Failure. There is no fire this time. And she walks away, defeated.
Perhaps in life, she is being defeated. Trees push her down and she gives up. Where did her fighting fire go? Why does she have no hope? Why is she so alone?
She feels sapped. Taken advantage of. Used. Many people need and trust her. She helps them and they move on. But yet, she trusts no one. Not even herself. She still tries though. Hoping for a better outcome. But each time its the same. And she finds herself completely alone.
One boy understands. See's the girl she won't trust anyone to see. She finds a little comfort in him. But yet, he too doesn't see. He leaves and she is alone. He's not hers. She doesn't love him. She just needs a friend. But he belongs to someone else. And she won't take him. He is needed elsewhere.
Alone. Lost. Afraid.
The girl is....
A new tree. Same girl. Same shoes. With the penetrating cold. The branches can be reached from the ground. Footholds make climbing easy. But she's still afraid. A timid try scares her more. People above her are calling for her to climb. A dear friend below pushes her up. A small fire lights and she tries. But she falls. Her knee scrapped up, her friend in pain from catching her fall. She gives up.
He jumps from the tree and pulls her up. With him pushing, and her love pulling, and some small effort from her, she climbs it.
She is not really alone in life. Her friends surround her and push her at times. They help rebuild her fire. Its not perfect yet, but she knows its getting better.
The boy doesn't give her comfort anymore. The boy who pulled her and the girl who caught her make her feel the most herself now. Its with them that everything is okay.
Improvement. Smiles. Hope.
The girl is....
A girl. Small, and weak compared to the tree. One night, coldness penetrated her. The wrong shoes made slipping easy. But a determination burned in her. Pure will to climb the tree took over. No matter how many times it took, she would get it. And she did. She climbed the tree.
The same girl. Bad shoes, with cold penetrating her. A small determination. A few tries. Failure. There is no fire this time. And she walks away, defeated.
Perhaps in life, she is being defeated. Trees push her down and she gives up. Where did her fighting fire go? Why does she have no hope? Why is she so alone?
She feels sapped. Taken advantage of. Used. Many people need and trust her. She helps them and they move on. But yet, she trusts no one. Not even herself. She still tries though. Hoping for a better outcome. But each time its the same. And she finds herself completely alone.
One boy understands. See's the girl she won't trust anyone to see. She finds a little comfort in him. But yet, he too doesn't see. He leaves and she is alone. He's not hers. She doesn't love him. She just needs a friend. But he belongs to someone else. And she won't take him. He is needed elsewhere.
Alone. Lost. Afraid.
The girl is....
A new tree. Same girl. Same shoes. With the penetrating cold. The branches can be reached from the ground. Footholds make climbing easy. But she's still afraid. A timid try scares her more. People above her are calling for her to climb. A dear friend below pushes her up. A small fire lights and she tries. But she falls. Her knee scrapped up, her friend in pain from catching her fall. She gives up.
He jumps from the tree and pulls her up. With him pushing, and her love pulling, and some small effort from her, she climbs it.
She is not really alone in life. Her friends surround her and push her at times. They help rebuild her fire. Its not perfect yet, but she knows its getting better.
The boy doesn't give her comfort anymore. The boy who pulled her and the girl who caught her make her feel the most herself now. Its with them that everything is okay.
Improvement. Smiles. Hope.
The girl is....
Patience
Eyes closed.
Mind stopped.
Hands tingling.
The vibration comes.
Muscles tense.
Butterflies erupt.
Breath held.
The wrong name.
Shoulders drop.
Expression falls.
Mind closes.
Minutes pass.
Eyes close.
Mind slows.
Hands tingle.
The cycle continues.
There is no relief tonight.
Smile
Laugher
Joy
Smiling
Love
3 hours
Patience
Curiosity
Sadness
Concern
Worry
Two words
"That's great"
Happiness
Relief
Amusement
4 hours
Patience
Jealous
Frustrated
Anger
Tears
Burning
Suffocation
Heartache
Pain
Fear
Dying
Numb
Nightmares
Morning
Tear-streaked
Red
Limp
Swallowed
Hidden
Smile
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